So interesting

I know I already posted today, but I read this during lunch and find it fascinating!

I am still a year later trying to get through "Radical" by David Platt. I just always get interrupted and I am about half way through. I read today though, which is SO completely true, that as Christians, we are one of the only organizations on this planet that deems success by what we DON'T do. He is discussing it within the context of how we deem "good Christians". And that we rate ourselves by how we don't do certain things, like what is in the world. And I find this idea so compelling.

Shouldn't we be rating success on what we DO? I don't believe there is necessarily a right or wrong way to go about this idea. However, so arguments sake, I think that we, as Christians, should focus not on the
" I don't watch R rated movies" or "I don't have pre-marital sex" as or rating scale. But instead more so with "I let God have say in what movies I see or don't, determined by what the Spirit is leading" or "We go and have dinner once a month with a group of non-Christians and try and live out biblical lifestyles, to encourage discussion on what sets us apart". Trying to shift the focus from what we say is bad all the time, to focusing on what is good for us to do. I mean isn't it told to us to think and meditate on the good, righteous, holy.... I feel that by focusing on what we don't do, in fact makes us think about that thing we are avoiding. "I don't watch porn", well by saying that I feel that your mind and whoever your talking with then unintentionally imagines porn. While instead it should be a conversation on "I just watched Courageous" and open a door to discuss wholesome entertainment and why you choose to watch that, and see what questions come from your friend or colleague, etc.

Just a thought. Thanks Platt for planting that seed of thought.

Child Advocacy Center

Here I am second day of my new internship. I will work 424 hours here. I will graduate in 116 days. My roommate will be married a month after that. My dear friend from SVR will be married 10 days after my roommate. And I might be starting graduate school a month after that. Crazy how time moves so swiftly.

I am reminded here at the Child Advocacy Center of all the blessings God has poured into my life.

I was not raised in an abusing home.
I have not been assaulted in ways that these children have.
I have been told "I love you" for 21 years and counting.
I have a life that is full of promise.

Now I sit reading police reports and details of awful sin that many wish not to think about. However, I realize in hearing these stories, the great mercy that comes form my Father. He looks at me and says I was worth His son dying, and that if I am worth it, even these perpetrators are worth it. That's a hard thing to swallow, but it is truth. And today, I am reminded that grace is not for the clean, put together individuals. It is for the dirty. It is for the gross. Because in reality, we are all that, just some cover it up better than others.

Here is to another day filled with His unconditional mercy.

6 moths later...

I have no idea is anyone even reads this blog. But sometimes I find it extremely therapeutic, therefore I keep writing. Since this summer I have had an internship with homicide loss survivors. I continued my work with International Justice Mission and my job with the International and Intercultural Department. Now I have applied to 3 graduate schools and will find out starting in about a month on whether or not that is the path that my life is taking. I have my own apartment now off campus. I will graduate in 4 months! And I will either be working with children that have suffered sexual or physical abuse and be their court advocate, or doing a residential drug and alcohol addiction center for teen boys. Both sound amazing! So now its just to nail down which one I want to do. So that is my 6 month update.

Today I went to my high school and visited the Jamaica Team, the same team I helped lead a year ago. This trip was influential in changing my life. It will always have a place in my heart! It almost feels like another home. I would love to one day work there long term. I love the mountains of Jamaica and the deaf kids at CCCD.  My thoughts are now on kids that I met there struggling with such real life issues yet not being given a voice to change. I have a friend there that is gay and is struggling to know why God would make him this way to be put in a school of people who don't accept him. I have known him now for close to 4 years and he is such a sweet boy. We have had many conversations about his sexual orientation and my view of this predicament. I have another friend who is there and struggles with being a single girl and holding to her Christian standards in life when she feels so alone in the deaf village surrounded by married women and being one of the only single women there.

And both of these friends are people that I wish I could live in community with. There are days I just want to sell all that I own, drop out of college, and fly there and live in community. But I know that is now where God is leading me right now. I love to think that my future will hold that sometime. Now its just to hold them in prayer and the teams that go there still and minister to them. So those of you reading, please read aloud these names and just ask that God move through them and utilize them in encouraging these sisters and brothers in Christ that are dealing with a different kind of struggle and persecution. John, Alex, Jonathan, Luke, Andrew, Nick, Daniel, Sandy, Maria, Hannah, Kaitlyn, Morgan, Casey, Rebecca, Kim, Nancy, Linnay, and Mark.

Working to support the ministry. Working to be the ministry. Working to trust. Working to love. Working to selflessness.

My friend of four years, L.

Jamaican Sunrise

finally.

Finally.

lunch with someone my age.
someone who cares about people.
who is willing to be transparent.
thank you Lord!

What a day in the life of an intern looks like...

Here is what today looked like:

Answered emails - 5 min


worked on filling out a grant - 1 hour

Boss changed plan for a grant and had to resend emails - 5 min

Restart working on grant - 1 hour

Boss finally responded to multiple emails and then started on a new lead for a few grants - 10 min

sat and pondered - 2-3 min intervals

Met with shop director to look over advertisement - 10 min

Call Macy's - 2 min

Apply online for macy's application - 30 min

Make tomorrows to-do list - 5 min

Research new grant - 5 min

start on new grant - 10 min

get pulled into unplanned meeting - 15 min

Listen to Bob Marley while finishing up and cleaning up desk - 4 min

That was my 4 hour day.



Was today frustrating? YES
Was today tiring? YES
Was today worth not being paid? NO
Was a phone call made to my mom to complain? YES
Did I come home and immediately eat ice cream? YES
Did I then decide to take a nap instead of doing something productive? YES.
 
Addios.
 

< Cinque Terra in Italia 2009

Failures with hidden success

So I decided to go out to downtown Grand Rapids, Michigan. However, Friday proved to be a FAILURE. Couldn't find ANYWHERE to park, and NO coffee or taverns I was looking for! So therefore, while on the phone with Natalie Huth, explaining my failure and my drive back to my house. So luckily I had stumbleupon.com and a German exchange student, Isabel, to hang out with late last night. So Friday's hidden success, coming home, changing into pajamas and eating ice cream.

Saturday, FAILURE in trying to locate the Eastown Bizarre Bazaar, it didn't exist. So lucky decided to explore via car the rest of downtown and DID find my first success of the day: The Bitter End. A very cute, on the more ghetto side of the downtown coffee shop. Filled with University students, good coffee, and street parking you can actually find! Then I decided why not try and find the lake. So I drove out to Holland and walked out to the beach and enjoy the COOL 62 degrees! It was heavenly. This was a success!

Then I was apparently more tired than I thought, came home and fell asleep for 2 hours. Then pizza and tv with Katye. And currently writing this post.

This week at work went really well. I actually started writing grants. So far I have written 2 Letters of Inquiry for a media grant, and created a mission statement and created the name and purpose of an entire new program at WAR that needs funding! That was probably my favorite part of the week. No news on a part time job, even though I have applied for a new job about every other day. Guess that's God's answer for right now.

Still somewhat lonely here. I still don't know anyone my own age outside of other interns who are from around here and have their friends and other jobs. But its only week 2, so know worries. Tomorrow I am actually helping out at the Schut's church. I will be signing 2 chapters from Psalms that goes along with the sermon based in Acts. So that will be interesting. But that's about all there is going on up here in Michigan. I am going to be working on grad school applications this week, and hopefully spending time with Linda Propst again and Sarah Poehler this week! I will be excited to see familiar faces.

< Jamaica 2011, 3rd time to CCCD, missing those mountains!

You must think I am stronger than I am...

So there is this song out on Christian air-waves, I don't know the title. But the Lyrics go something like: Lord, You must think I am stronger than I am for having me go through what I am going through. And I am giving up. You have to be strong enough for both of us!

This is how I have felt this week. God seems to have this plan for me that I don't think that I am strong enough for, but apparently he thinks I am ready for it. It started like this:
1. Going to Union, not knowing anyone, being lonely for quite a while
2. Working at Skyview, lonely for quite a while
3. Moving to Florence, Italy, not knowing anyone, surrounded by non Christians, lonely for quite a while
4. Moving back to Union, everyone changed, so did I. Lonely for quite a while.
5. Moving to Michigan, currently lonely.

God seems to have this pattern that I am slowly catching on to. And I think there is a reason. When I am in these transition times, lonely time, I cling to God more than any other time. I am in the Word. I am soaking up sermons left and right. I am looking for God and finding him. It is when I become comfortable, when God leads me to friends, leads me to relationship besides him, thats when I stray. Its kind of like, Hello Kate! If you stay with me through the lonely AND not lonely times, I might still send you the lonely times, but the lonely times wouldn't feel so lonely. You know what I mean. This might not be what God is thinking, but sure seems like it to me.

My Internship with Women at Risk is fine. I am learning a lot about research, myself, grants, etc.But I do it all alone. I don't have people to talk with. I don't have anyone to eat lunch with. I don't spend time with anyone after work, before work, during work. Its quite isolated. So again, I am clinging to Christ. That is the only way I made it through this week, and I am sure weeks to come.

I do love the family I am with. They are great! They give me space, they chat some with me. No pressure to be uber clean, or quite, or whatever. So thats nice, but at the same time. I also feel alone in a house full of people. So here is to hoping the next week isn't quite as lonely.

< Dublin, Ireland in October 2009